Bad

I feel like I need to write about my most recent failed relationship. The most notable problems with that sentence are 1) I never actually considered it a relationship and 2) I don’t think he knows it has failed yet.

Oy. Never have I met a man that fits SO good on paper and so terribly in my life. Here are some of the “perfect guy” checklist items that he crosses off –

  • attentive and affectionate
  • cooks (more importantly, cooks FOR ME)
  • determined to date me
  • pays for everything, including the coffee I never even asked for
  • bought me coffee I didn’t have to ask for
  • cleans up after making me dinner, including dishes & trash
  • says sweet things like ‘this is one of those moments I’ll remember when I’m 70 years old’
  • attractive as hell
  • deals with my sassiness (a cuter word to describe my bitchy sarcasm)
  • doesn’t text too much
  • respects me

K can we just acknowledge finding a guy like this is a win? The reason I know it’s wrong though is that I look at that list with this guy and find cons in every pro.

  • don’t scratch my head could you sit on the other side of the couch please
  • you want to make spaghetti for me? I told you we could just order taco bell I’d be so happy
  • chill – you’re acting like we’re together when we’ve known each other for a nanosecond
  • I didn’t ask for that, and I hate that I feel like I owe you now
  • NO PROBLEM WITH A MAN WHO CLEANS THIS IS A PRO WITHOUT A CON
  • my immediate thought after that statement was ‘I don’t think I will’ which is probably not a great sign
  • pretty humble guy but occasionally acknowledges his good looks in a full of himself way and I think that’s a turn off
  • I don’t think his comebacks are funny and/or clever enough
  • this one is mostly a pro but I also want to do as little work as possible which means not texting first. however, a boy not texting first piques my interest because I am a woman and occasionally the game playing gets me, so maybe this one stays a pro
  • nah this one also stays a pro, very important. but also maybe chill with the “do you need anything?” because I will literally tell you my every thought and need without you asking, I’m considerate that way

My roommate is completely puzzled that I’m uninterested in this guy. I’m generally fine with a relationship progressing fast, and definitely generally fine with boys buying me things and making me things and saying nice things to me. So I see the confusion. But have you ever just felt that something is off? No matter how many dates we go on, I continue to find something wrong, and that just doesn’t happen when something is right.

This may sound picky but I’ve dated other people. And, this should come as no shock, I have found something off about every guy I’ve been with. Which is why I’m currently single. Even the guy I thought I could see myself marrying, I knew in the back of my head it was wrong, even if I didn’t want to admit it.

Happy I’m able to admit when it’s wrong now. And happy to know myself well enough to never settle. Sad that I have to figure out a way to tell a great guy it’s not happening. Any advice on how to break things off without just completely ghosting a person, let me know.

 

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